Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Potty Training Cows and Kids

While scraping the lots today...

I momentarily gave thought to the idea of potty training our dairy cows. Maybe it was from lack of sleep, maybe it was from what seemed to be sheer volume our girls seems to put out, I still thought about it in spite of the fact that I know that by spreading it on our fields it makes a good fertilizer. Again, it was only momentarily.

Then I reminded my self of my success rate of potty training at home. This is the kids' bathroom toilet. Study this photo well because one of the most important features is hiding.

Here it is! I call it the "handle."

The handle is for flushing. Flushing the bad, the stinky, the....well, it takes it all away. I can only assume that the "handle" has magical properties because those below the age of two can find it with their fingers faster than finding the holes in their nose. And they know what to do with it. Flush. Flush. Flush. Evidently between the ages of two and twelve the handle mysteriously vanishes, and thus it is never used.

The two year old, the young bull of the house, is as trained as the cows in herd. What is the difference in relieving one's self in the middle of the pasture and the in hallway of your house? Unlike the cows, who leave their mess for someone to find and scrape away, he does inform the household of the great deed he has done.

As it turns out, I am not the first to imagine potty training cows and calves. Alison Vaughan, who studies at Western College of Veterinary, is doing research on potty training cows. Her idea is that if they do their business where they don't lay down then they will stay cleaner and healthier. Sounds like a good plan and she has had some success.

Me potty training the cows? I guess I will let cows be cows and kids be kids.


  1. Hilarious!
    We'd love you to "meet" another funny dairy couple... The subjects of our recent film about life as a dairy man!
    You can check it out here... And feel free to share it if you like.

    1. Loved this video! You did a great job showing how one man's strives for his own American dream. I am definitely sharing with friends.